You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize