M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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