just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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