Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
