Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
