Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
