we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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