Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
