just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
