i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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