No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
