you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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