If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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