I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
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Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
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It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.