All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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