His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.