I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
