she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
