I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
