let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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