Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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