she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Everyone says I win the strip club
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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