Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
