Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
