oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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