dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
