somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Randomize
