What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
