chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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