I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
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That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
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Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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