I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
