he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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