I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
