I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
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So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
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There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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