I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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