Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
