So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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