I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
