i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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