Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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