I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
