No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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