i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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