why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
