the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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