so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
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you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
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I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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