It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
