i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He shit in the fireplace
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
