Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
