even my farts smell like vagina
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Dignity is for republicans.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
