uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
too bad you live with your parents still
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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