I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
