doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
