I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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