just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
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He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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