Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
