They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
