Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
