yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
