drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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