i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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