Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
