I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
