i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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